Identifying Observations, Feelings and Needs

In today's class, we have spent the whole three hours doing exercices to identify observations, feelings and needs in our conversations. The observations must based on facts without any evaluations, when evaluations are included they are not anymore expressed clearly and honestly. As an example to differentiation of observations and evaluations, we can say that the phrase "John was angry with me yesterday for no reason" is mixed with evaluation because of the part "no reason" which gives the conversation the sense of exagerration, and it isn't anymore a clear and honest fact. The better phrase for observation could be "John was angry with me yesterday for a reason that i couldn't understand".

Feelings must also be clear in conversations without any effect of other people. As an example, in the phrase "When you don't greet me, i feel neglected" there isn't a clear feeling because being neglected is connected to others but if we say "sad" instead of "neglected" in the same phrase, it is expressing a clear feeling of sadness without any effect of others.

For a proper OFNR (Observation, Feeling, Need, Request) analysis of conversations, needs also must be verbally expressed. A good example that we discussed in class to idenfiy needs was; "I feel angry when you say that, because i am wanting respect and i hear your words as an insult." In this phrase the need which is wanted to be fulfilled is "respect" and the person clearly shows his feeling of anger.